OK >>> more Carlin, from a post to 2400 Fulton Street
Subject: Humor/religion...Carlin via PK >>> for the good of all
Date: Mon, 30 Apr 2001 13:25:46 +0000
From: Paul Kantner <sunfighter@EARTHLINK.NET>
Paul to All
re: all the recent blather on religion at 2400>>>
In the interests of all of us, as well as >Laughter As God< I just had to pass on these observations on religion and other appropriate and
timely subject matter from George Carlin's new book, "Napalm and Silly Putty".
Consider this a plug and a rave review and the book will soon join the
lists of Paul's Picks in the Lewis & Clark Room section at
consider this a 'tree'
#1 GOD HAS GOTTA GO
I make fun of people who are religious, because I think they're
fundamentally weak. But I want you to know that on a personal level,
when it comes to believing in God, I tried. I really, really tried. I
tried to believe that there is a God, who created us in his own image,
loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things.
I tried to believe it. But I have to tell you, the longer you live,
the more you look around, the more you realize...something is fucked.
Something is wrong. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth,
poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is
If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed. Results like
these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind
of stuff you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. In any
well-managed universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful
ass a long time ago.
So. if there is a God-if there is-I think reasonable people might
agree that he's at least incompetent and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't
give a shit. Which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot
of his results.
#2 The Jews are smart; they don't have a hell.
#3 Never forget, Hitler was a Catholic.
which leads us to:
#4 Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations; he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
#5 You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using
And speaking of ‘Stuff”, George has a great idea for baseball, to make it more interesting >>
10 or 12 randomly placed land mines, in the outfield...!
"I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as a tree"
"Nobody needs to baptize me
Anytime I laugh, I got religion
Cross my forehead, cross my knees
I'll take any good sign, I'm a clay pigeon..."
Grace Slick, 1970-something
N.B. >>> God causes more deaths each year than all wars, automobile accidents, diseases,
cigarettes alcohol, and all drugs combined
They ought to put warning stickers on the Bible, the Koran and the Talmud, just for a start...
At least Kali is upfront about the whole thing
All religion looms, like some elaborate Monty Python sketch.
And arguing about religion is like arguing over who has the best invisible friend
“ The error is to assume that history (and religion) have a purpose, a rationale.“
And on we go...
through the Space-Time Motherfucking Continuum
79% support no smoking in restaurants
Of course, 92% favor no charges for meals in those same restaurants
COMING SOON: The Rob Rainer California 24 / 7
Protective Helmet Law
all citizens, all day, all night, every day, every night
you must wear your helmet to protect you from earthquakes, muggers, bicycle
messengers, red light runners, spouses, children and parents...
PG&E ear warmer optional
First they came for tobacco...
note: 100 people a year choke to death on ball-point pens
30% of Americans still think that the Sun revolves around the Earth
Republicans give new meaning to the phrase, “Women and children first”
note to Republicans: Pick on somebody your own size!
lest ye be sent to the Garden Of Shadows
Teachers getting fired
Jailers getting hired
Crime doesn’t pay
Neither does teaching today
“If you don’t have a nail, you don’t need a hammer.”
The idea of borders is becoming remote and very twen-cen. I must express contempt for the state
system that limits citizenship to the soil, like vegetation...
And from a new song I’m working on:
“Teaching the Children to Dream”
(unfinished, under construction)
I stood on the edge
“Come to the Edge, she said.
“I am afraid,” I said.
“Come anyway,” she said.
And I did.
And I flew
Through all the Sky.
I didn’t fall as I expected to
Through the air...
I flew !
>>> as yet unwritten b section...
Teaching my Children to Dream...
Here’s to the Future
Here’s To Tomorrow
Here’s to Love & Children
Lift a glass to the future
So that’s all for this column
Lookin’ forward to seeing all of you we can this spring and summer and winter, from the Haight
Ashbury Street Fair, to the Gathering, to the East Coast, Middle America and Shepherd’s Bush
Come on & join us
On the Other side of the Sun